I'd like to breathe now

So, one of the lovely side effects that some pregnant women can get is a constant stuffy nose: Rhinitis of Pregnancy. Supposedly, since there’s an increase in blood supply and estrogen, the mucous membranes and blood vessels in the nose tend to swell. Isn’t that lovely?

Practically since day one of this pregnancy, I’ve felt like I’ve never been able to breathe well. Usually one side would plug up and I find myself attempting to take deep breaths just to get my lungs full. I go through a box of tissues at work at least every couple weeks (good thing they have a huge supply for me). And, I think I’ve been using most of the toilet paper at home for my nose (why we don’t just buy tissues, I don’t know). The repetitive sniffing gets really annoying.

So, a last ditch effort in my attempt to breathe was to buy a Neti pot I’ve heard so much about. A Neti pot basically looks like a small ceramic tea pot with a long narrow spout. You fill it with lukewarm water and some salt, and here’s the kicker: You place the end of the spout in one of your nostrils, tilt your head and let the water flow from one nostril through your nasal passage way, and drain out the other nostril. Sounds like fun, right?

Wrong.

For those who know me, I’m not a fantastic swimmer. In fact, I can’t go under water without holding my nose. Yes, seriously. So, the concept of purposely forcing water into my nose was a frightful thought. But, I was desperate to breathe, so I figured I’d summon the courage to try this very old custom of clearing your sinuses.

When I brought the thing home, I carefully read the instructions. Pretty basic how-to, but what I found most amusing was a picture of a lady with her head tilted, this pot stuck up her nose and liquid pouring out her nostril….all with a pleasant smile and an almost drugged look on her face.
Wow, this must be great stuff. I microwaved some bottled water, because there was no way I was pouring our horrible tap water up my nose. But, of course I microwaved it too hot, so I had to let it sit a while to cool off.

In the meantime, I decided to go to their website for more information on this ancient tradition. I found a how-to video. Oh, I had to see this. Here again was a lady, sticking the pot to her nose, tilting her head and seconds later, the water came pouring out the other side, with that same plastered comatose smile still on her face. Something about this process disturbed me a little.

After I read and watched all I could from ‘happy water nose lady’, I stuck my pinky in the water finding it suitable for nose draining (or at least what I assumed was suitable), and I measured out the salt and swirled it in.

I stood at the bathroom sink. I stared down at the pot, then stared up at myself in the mirror, then back down at the pot. You can do this, Elly.

I tilted my head at the appropriate angle the instructions gave, stuck the spout into my nose, opened my mouth like they said, and slowly….very slowly tilted the pot.

The water flowed in….but never flowed out the other side. The pressure started to hurt and I began to panic as I quickly took pot out and snorted and coughed the salty water out.

Wonderful.

So I read the instructions again and found that you have to find the right position and tilt of your head in order for the water to freely pass.

Fine. Let’s do this.

Again, I stick the thing in my nose and tilt my head…further….further….left….down…further left…….

Nothing!

The water began to pour down my throat, and I immediately snorted and coughed again, spewing salty water from every hole in my head. Even my eyes teared up, although more from the shear shock and trauma from it all. I definitely didn’t look as pretty and graceful as ‘happy water nose lady’.

I didn’t spend $20 on this stupid thing to give up now! I’ll try one last time. I took a deep breath, then slowly poured it again.

At last the salty water began streaming out my left nostril! And boy did it burn! The instructions say you can use the entire pot for one nostril or half. I chose half. I tilted the pot higher, just to make it pour out faster. The deed was done. The instructions now said to do it on the other nostril. Great.

For some reason, the left side worked on the first try no problem, so I gladly finished off the pot. The instructions also recommended blowing your nose after the procedure to clear out any salty mucousy debris left (my words, not theirs). I was happy to oblige for that step. I think I went through half a roll of toilet paper, unlike ‘happy water nose lady’ who delicately dabbed her nose.

But, with all the suffering, I was so proud of myself. I was brave and actually shoved water up my nose. And did it work?

Nope.

I was still stuffy, but now my nose burned and it felt like I just drowned out at sea. I’m sure this is something one should do every day or so to really make it work.

Ha!

The pot is now sitting on the shelf in our bathroom, collecting dust. Anyone want a slightly used Neti pot? :)