There is nothing for me but to love you...both

This is the fifth night in a row that Max has actually slept through the entire night, at least seven hours. Thank God! It’s been glorious to get more than a couple hours of sleep straight. I feel like I can almost make it through the day without passing out from sheer exhaustion.

So, why is it 3:00 AM and I’m wide awake?

Perhaps it’s from all the recent vivid and absurd dreams that were pent up from weeks of no REM sleep. Maybe it was the extraordinary Chicken Tikka Masala from dinner. Or it could be the snoring in my ear that’s kept me awake, worrying that the noise will wake the baby up whose comfortably lying in his car seat, still strapped in from the car ride home.

Yesterday, August 5th, was our two year wedding anniversary. We celebrated by going to a little Indian restaurant, Akbar, in Pasadena. Fantastic cuisine, if you're interested.

Going out, just the two of us, is seldom since Max came along. We savored the couple of quiet hours alone in the restaurant, even if we were debating on substituting dinner for a nap.

The incredibly dark and dimly lit little nook, the warmth of the spices and the soft exotic music floating in the air made for an intoxicating atmosphere. Add to that the sweet Riesling I sipped made me drift away from the day. I gazed out the window we sat next to, and sleepily watched the blur of strangers walking by, some stealing a glance in at us with curiosity.

It was wonderful to have adult conversation with my husband. It's far and few that we get a chance anymore. Jeremy’s been working so hard, that even at home he’s catching up on work before the day’s done. And me, I’m on 24-7 baby duty, so it seems.

It’s nice to get a break now.

We talked about his work, and how he’s entering into his externship and shortly stepping into his new role at the center. The modest pay raise is welcoming as any little bit helps.

We reminisced on our wedding day, and how stressful things were. How it was intensely hot days before the Big Day and how I prayed that it would just rain. How relaxing our honeymoon was, even though Jeremy's wedding band was lost to the churning seas of the Black Sand Beach on Maui. It all seems like such a distant memory in time now.

And, of course, we talked about Max. We complained with frustration of his fussy and colicky moments throughout the day (albeit, lesser day by day). We sighed with joy about how adorable he really is and how amazing it is to see him smile back at us. And of course we still debated on who he really looks like (Jeremy mostly). Thoughts of who he will become six months, a year, thirteen years from now became a pondering anticipation.

“We should get back,” Jeremy finally said, since the check was already paid and the container of leftovers were getting cold.

“Do we have to?” I half jokingly said, cradling my glass of a few warm drops of wine that remained.

The drive home was sleepy. I fingered through songs on the iPod until I came across our wedding dance song from the list; Tony Bennet’s version of ‘Just The Way You Look Tonight’. I hit Play and Jeremy took my hand in his and we listened silently to the song. Gazing out the window, the twinkling city lights blurred passed us on the freeway home.

For a moment, I remembered and savored what it was like to just be a couple. I think Jeremy did too, as he missed the off ramp that would have lead us to my parents where Max was. Instead, as if on autopilot, he got off at the next exit that would lead us home.

This new life of ours seems foreign and yet comfortable just the same, as if Max has always been with us. Perhaps there was always a spot for him in our lives to fill and we just never realized it until now. It’s not a bad place to be. Really.

Max finally woke up 6:00AM.